Raijin Blitzen Vizard [Retracted]

[Blitzen]

I retract my Application

[Blitzen]

Over a week later I'm questioning staying.. I like enjoying RP.. waiting weeks for responses isn't enjoyable

[Zhiel]

Ok then, lets go over this quickly.

Description and personality seem fine, I'll review them properly once I know if this will be worth it since you've already threatened with leaving.

History needs to be expanded on, primarily to give more details before he became part of the masked syndicate, I see many small, single paragraph, chapters in there. (That is, unless you want a non-council position, in which case you won't get captain strength nor bankai)

Shi-kai seems fine, though you need to explain exactly how the lightning on the sword works in more details, also add that the effects described is on an equal opponent.

I'm really unsure on bankai, whats up with all these tiny shi-kai sized bankais recently anyways? Ah well. The 50 feet blades could work, question though, are they actually solid, meaning someone else could block them, or are they just like beams of energy? People in general become stronger when they activate their bankai's, to have a explosive increase in speed and defense as well is a no-no, though the electricity coursing through him deal I can work with, but you need to elaborate on what you mean with repelling attacks or anything that touches him. Seems almost like if he is invincible.

Now for hollow abilities... Oh wow...

Ok, lets begin simple, where in our ability list have you seen Cero Oscura? Wonder why? Cause we think its pointless and something unecessary, thus even the top 4 espada, which would be the ONLY ones who could use it to begin with, can't have it either. Make a cero of your own if you desperately want a super cero, but no Oscura.

Also... Sonido..? Why would you have Sonido when you already have Shunpo? They are the same, work a little difference but the end result is the same damn thing, and its also a vasto lorde class or arrancar class technique, thus no inner hollow technique.

And then we have the most ridiculous of them all... high speed regeneration. Do I even have to say why this can't be allowed? Regeneration is a very hard thing to regulate, because if it doesn't cost anything, then a person doesn't need to worry about getting hit. If it DOES cost a lot however, they will avoid most attacks anyway like they normally would. So in order to balance things up people who want regeneration will need to have proper reasons for it, like it being one of their only abilities, or lacking defenses others of their species have, like hierro or hollow carapace. Just no.

You should also take a look at the Kido System in info, but judging from most of your application I'd wager you haven't checked much besides the template. And when I'm on the subject, no Shunko, only those who completely relly on it and has good grounds for it may start with it, your character doesn't. Infact from what I can see you're trying to get everything in one character, which is not acceptable.

And why am I not surprised you picked black coffin as a kido? The strongest hadou shown in the anime, surprise surprise?

Either way, rework your kido list according to the Kido System.

And your rp sample is about unranked shinigami length, you will need to fix it up, and since this is your first character, it is preferable if it has anything to do with him.

Sorry if I may seem a little harsh, I'm in a foul mood and your 'threatening' hasn't exactly bettered it.

[Blitzen]

Though I agree with several of your points and would have edited.. I have chosen to move on. You ask that people put so much work into creating characters yet.. from what I can see there isn't much to look forward to after you get them approved. The membership relies heavily on an inactive administration which makes it hard for this place to improve. For clarification, I'm not looking for an easier RP, but a productive one. The most active part of this site is the chatbox..

I wish you well n the future

[Zhiel]

Inactive in the form that, yes, we have lives. Maybe you've heard of them? Main admin (GoldenKitten) who's the guy who tends to review profiles as he's the guy who knows exactly what's acceptable or not have been VERY busy the last two weeks or so as he got news he had to finish uni work in just nine days of what he thought would be two months.

But whatever, I wish you luck oh impatient one.