Post by SamuraiFoochs on Jun 1, 2008 2:27:11 GMT -4
I found out tonight that a sort-of ex of mine (we had an "online relationship"; never actually met, but...well, I almost wish Harm and Rok could see this, they'd get it) passed away last night from a mixture of cancer and, in a bombshell dropped by her mother, who relayed the news to me, HIV/AIDS. She never told me about the second half, but looking back, it makes perfect sense.
For any of those who know of my romance woes, Shandra wasn't the ex I'm still truly in love with, that ex is alive and well, but...Shandra was always there. She was always a friend, one of the warmest souls I've ever met, and always expressed love. In retrospect, I realize she knew she may die at any time. She always seemed so....wise and grounded, despite being younger than me by a couple of years.
I don't know if you all believe in this sort of thing, but I feel as though Shandra just visited me in spirit. I'm not so sad anymore...it feels like someone gave me a hug that touched the very soul. She wouldn't have wanted me to cry, and her mom told me she talked about me all the time, and that the last time she ever mentioned me, she said to her mom, "If anything happens to me, tell Matt I loved him."
My grief comes in waves. For example, right now I'm on the verge of tears, where less than an hour ago, I was in fits of uncontrollable giggles. It's not as though I'm a stranger to death, but someone so young, under these circumstances...it seems so incredibly wrong.
She was beautiful in every way, Shandra was. No simple words could do such a young woman justice, so I won't even attempt to. Just take my word for it when I say it seems to me as though some of the brightest stars seem to fade the fastest.
So what is my request? Simply this: Love the ones you've got while they're here. Because you never know when they'll be gone.
R.I.P. Shandra Isabella Terroni-5/30/2008.
--SF
For any of those who know of my romance woes, Shandra wasn't the ex I'm still truly in love with, that ex is alive and well, but...Shandra was always there. She was always a friend, one of the warmest souls I've ever met, and always expressed love. In retrospect, I realize she knew she may die at any time. She always seemed so....wise and grounded, despite being younger than me by a couple of years.
I don't know if you all believe in this sort of thing, but I feel as though Shandra just visited me in spirit. I'm not so sad anymore...it feels like someone gave me a hug that touched the very soul. She wouldn't have wanted me to cry, and her mom told me she talked about me all the time, and that the last time she ever mentioned me, she said to her mom, "If anything happens to me, tell Matt I loved him."
My grief comes in waves. For example, right now I'm on the verge of tears, where less than an hour ago, I was in fits of uncontrollable giggles. It's not as though I'm a stranger to death, but someone so young, under these circumstances...it seems so incredibly wrong.
She was beautiful in every way, Shandra was. No simple words could do such a young woman justice, so I won't even attempt to. Just take my word for it when I say it seems to me as though some of the brightest stars seem to fade the fastest.
So what is my request? Simply this: Love the ones you've got while they're here. Because you never know when they'll be gone.
R.I.P. Shandra Isabella Terroni-5/30/2008.
--SF
